of hands and hearts
by chessboardsandcheckmates
Summary: Anna has always longed for a playmate. (Anna/Elsa, Elsanna)


**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**...**

Anna has always longed for a playmate.

So when she bursts into the master bedroom at four years old and asks her parents for a sister, the king and queen are not at all surprised.

The queen places a hand on her daughter's shoulder and smiles apologetically.

"Anna…your father and I cannot give you a sister. I am sorry."

Anna smiles brightly and shakes her head.

"That's okay. I found one!"

All three pairs of eyes fall on a small, pale girl as she steps gingerly into the room, clutching one of Anna's new cloaks around her shoulders.

"Elsa's going to be my sister."

"Is she?" the king says, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "And what will her family say?"

"She doesn't have one," Anna replies, moving to stand next to her friend. "I found her wandering outside, all alone. So I told her that we'd be her family."

The king and queen exchange a look.

"Anna, I don't think that-"

Elsa sneezes suddenly, and a flurry of snow bursts out of her. The king and queen jump back.

"See?" Anna squeals, reaching for Elsa's hand. "She has magic! We _have_ to keep her!"

…

The king and queen do not approve at first.

"Her powers are dangerous, Anna," her mother says, and the king nods in agreement. "She could cause an avalanche or a snow storm…she could _hurt_ you."

Anna looks positively scandalized and shakes her head.

"Elsa would _never_ hurt me."

And she looks so sure, and says it with such conviction, that her parents can't find it in themselves to argue.

…

For the first few nights, Anna sleeps in Elsa's bed with her.

The king and queen do not know, of course. They would never approve.

But Anna finds that she just doesn't feel comfortable in her own room anymore. Not when she knows that Elsa is all the way across the hall, alone and uncomfortable in her new surroundings.

And Anna likes waking up to someone else's face. She likes opening her eyes in the morning to find Elsa next to her, her hair splayed out across the pillow, perfect as ever, her face relaxed in a way it never is when she's awake.

Mornings have always been special for Anna, but with Elsa they're magical.

…

After a month of sleepovers, Anna wakes up to find a second bed in Elsa's room.

When Anna hurries downstairs for breakfast, Elsa trailing behind, the king winks at her.

"How long have you known, Father?"

He laughs.

"Well, Anna…you weren't exactly discreet."

The rest of breakfast passes by quickly.

Anna teaches Elsa the names of all of the different pieces of silverware and shows her how to hold them. And Elsa, naturally poised and elegant, much more regal than Anna herself, masters it all in an instant.

…

Anna takes a trip with the king and queen and Elsa is left at home.

It is the first time the two girls have been apart since the day they met, and Elsa spends the next week with her head in her arms, trying to keep her hands from shaking.

The servants stay away from her, the king's orders. They leave a platter of food at the door for every meal. Elsa hardly touches any of it.

The day Anna comes home, the palace gate is covered in frost.

She makes it to Elsa's room in under a minute and rushes inside. Her friend is cowering in the corner, back against the wall, knees pulled into her chest.

Anna moves bravely across the icy floor and falls to her knees in front of Elsa. Ignoring the cold, she grabs the other girl's hands.

"Hey, Elsa. I'm back," she says, forcing a smile. "Everything's okay now."

Icicles begin to emerge from the walls and snowflakes are falling violently around them. Elsa's whole body is tense and rigid and her face is twisted up in concentration.

"Stop, stop, stop," she whispers, like a mantra, and the room's condition only worsens.

Anna does the only thing she can think of and pulls Elsa into a hug. Elsa resists at first, but after a moment her shoulders begin to sag with exhaustion and she sinks into Anna's arms.

Anna holds onto her with as much force as she can manage, and then Elsa, three years older but far more breakable, sobs heavily against Anna's chest.

"Please don't go away again," she whispers, and her skin is like ice against Anna's shirt. "It's easier when you're around."

"I won't," Anna says, squeezing Elsa just a little bit tighter. "I promise, okay?"

They sit together for a long time, Anna shivering and Elsa struggling to catch her breath.

And finally, after what seems like hours, the snow starts to melt from the walls and the ceiling, and drip drops onto Anna's head.

…

The king and queen find them like that, huddled on the floor in the middle of a dying snowstorm.

"It's not safe for her," the king says, as he takes the queen's hand. "How much longer can we let this go on?"

"Anna is very taken with her," says the queen. "And Elsa is a part of this family now. We must do what is in her best interest, too."

…

The king and queen do not fall in love with Elsa until much later.

Not until they find her huddled on the floor at eight years old, murmuring apologies and talking to her hands, pleading with them.

"Make it go away…please go away…I'll do anything, just please stop!"

When Elsa notices them, she gasps and bolts of ice shoot out of her fingertips. She looks absolutely terrified and the queen hesitantly moves towards her.

"Elsa, are you all right?"

A shake of the head, and then Elsa's big blue eyes fill to the brim with tears.

"I'm so afraid."

Crystals are forming all around them.

"Afraid of what?" asks the king.

When Elsa doesn't respond, the queen offers her an encouraging smile.

"Well?"

Elsa wraps her arms around herself and cries softly.

"I won't hurt Anna, will I?"

The queen quickly gathers the tiny girl up in her arms and holds her until Elsa has stopped shaking. Until the room returns to its natural state of warmth.

"No," the queen says, pressing a soft kiss to Elsa's forehead. "No, we won't let that happen."

…

Elsa is reading out loud again.

And even though Anna has her own bed now, she still likes to share Elsa's every so often.

"Would you like to take a turn reading, Anna?"

"Nope," she shakes her head and snuggles up to Elsa. "I just like the sound of your voice. Besides, I can't read yet. Not like you can."

"I'm sure you'll be a great reader one day."

Anna blushes and is thankful for the dimly lit room.

And then the story continues, Elsa's voice carrying it until the end, when the prince rescues the princess from her tower. Anna scrunches up her nose.

"Why didn't she just climb down and save herself?"

"I don't know," Elsa shrugs. "But I think it's nice, having someone there to save you. Someone you love."

"Would you save me, Elsa? If someone stole me away?"

"Yes." The answer is fierce and immediate, and Anna smiles.

"So you love me."

Elsa doesn't say anything and instead chews nervously on her lower lip.

Anna looks up at her expectantly.

"Don't you?"

"I want to," Elsa says. "I do. But…I'm not really sure how."

"Oh. Well, that's okay!" Anna chirps, pressing a quick kiss to Elsa's cheek. "I can teach you!"

…..

Anna wakes Elsa up one morning, bright and early as always, and they rush downstairs to build a snowman.

"Do the magic, do the magic!" Anna begs, and Elsa forms a ball of ice in her hands…and begins.

A slide, a sled, a mountain, piles and piles of snow, Anna's laughter all around them. And while Anna giggles and races around the ice, Elsa's heart, cold and fragile, fills and fills and fills.

When the snowman is finished, Anna charges at him and envelops him in a hug.

"I love you Olaf," Anna says, but she is looking at Elsa.

Elsa beams back at her.

…

Anna gets hurt in the end.

It is an accident, of course, but a panic settles inside of Elsa's chest right away.

The king and queen do not react well. They say she is to blame, and the king snaps at her far too harshly. Not that any of it matters, not that she notices his anger, because Elsa's eyes never once leave Anna's face.

The panic inside of Elsa's chest only grows once they've made it to the mountains. And it remains there even after Anna wakes up, perfectly healthy, totally unharmed.

Because Anna won't remember her, not in the same way. And Anna won't be able to save her when things go wrong.

And so the fullness in Elsa's chest changes, grows heavier, and starts to ache.

…

One day, Elsa just stops answering her door.

Anna knocks and knocks and knocks until her knuckles are numb, but the door doesn't budge. So Anna sits and wonders what she possibly could have done wrong.

She sits and knocks and wonders for almost thirteen years.

…

The coronation ceremony is very formal, and Anna feels totally out of place.

But once the party starts, with all of the lights and the people and the smiles, she feels ten times more at home. That is, until she's standing next to Elsa. Until Elsa smiles at her softly, like she used to, and tells her that she looks beautiful.

"You look beautifuller," Anna blurts out. "Or, no, not fuller, you don't look fuller, but, more beautiful."

It's not a real compliment, not any of the thousand things that Anna is longing to say. But it's something, at least, something that makes Elsa smile, and for right now, maybe that's enough.

"I wish it could be like this all the time," Anna says. And she remembers the bedtime stories and the hugs and all of the love got away from them.

"Me too," replies Elsa, her voice sort of far away. "But it can't."

"Well, why not?"

"Because it just can't."

And it's another barrier between the two of them, one that Anna really doesn't want there, and she escapes into the crowd of people.

She bumps into Hans a little while later.

And after a long stroll, arm in arm, he proposes to her on the balcony.

Hans, the prince she's dreamed about. The prince who is so much like Anna, so open and ready to love, without any complications, without anything holding him back.

So she says yes.

Because if there's one thing Anna can't take any more of, it's another closed door in her face.

…

Elsa refuses to accept the engagement.

Anna chases her sister through the hordes of guests and accidentally takes Elsa's glove. Elsa shouts for her to give it back, but instead Anna pushes and pushes and pushes. And Elsa's powers just…react.

The scene it creates is horrible. People shout at the queen and chase her out of the palace, out of Arrendalle. It's terrible, just all around bad, bad, bad.

But not for Anna. Not really.

Because for the first time since she was five years old, Anna finally understands her sister.

For the first time in forever, Anna starts to believe that there's hope.

…

The snow palace is gorgeous.

And Elsa, standing at the top of the grand staircase, looks more comfortable and at home than Anna has ever seen her.

"Come back to Arendelle with me," Anna says.

She says it because it's necessary, because her home is in trouble. But also because she's never cared about somebody more in her whole life, and losing Elsa to this mountain is probably the most heartbreaking thing she can think of.

"I'm not leaving without you Elsa!"

"Yes, you are."

And the snowman forms and grows and tosses them out on the snow.

…

Anna doesn't run to Kristoff.

She saves Elsa instead.

Because she loves her. Because Elsa is her family.

But really, because for the past thirteen years, without Elsa, Anna has felt so incomplete. And Anna would rather die than feel that way forever.

Hans raises his sword above his head, and Anna runs and jumps in front of him.

Her body turns to ice in an instant.

And Elsa, collapsed and defeated on the ground, rises and throws her arms around her sister. Her sobs echo across the castle grounds, raw, hysterical, devastating.

Like something breaking.

…

When Anna's body begins to warm up, it's a miracle.

Kristoff watches, amazed, as Anna's heart thaws off the ice. Once Anna can move again, her arms wrap immediately around her sister.

Elsa almost faints from the shock, but then she's pulling her sister into her and exhaling.

"You sacrificed yourself…for me?"

And then Anna affirms the one thing that Elsa has always secretly hoped to be true.

"I love you."

Elsa's smile is blinding, and Anna can only stare.

…

Kristoff takes Anna to see the trolls again.

They ride in his new sled, and Anna makes good use of the cup holder. She maintains it is a necessary addition.

When they arrive the rocks flip over and greet them. Kristoff beckons his grandfather over, and Anna bends down so that they are at eye level.

"I need my memories back."

"No," he shakes his head. "It cannot be done."

"Yes it can," Anna argues, some desperation leaking into her voice. "And…I really, really need to remember. For my sake and…for my sister's. So…please do this for me. I promise, I'll never ask for anything ever again."

The old troll studies her for a moment, unsure.

"Please," Kristoff says, stepping up behind Anna. And that must do the trick, because the old troll sighs and nods shortly.

"Very well. I will return your memories to you."

When her memories are given over to her, they come flooding back in waves.

…

When Anna arrives back at the palace, she heads straight to Elsa's bedroom. She knocks on the door, the way she always has, and when Elsa answers it, Anna grabs her face and kisses her.

After only a moment's hesitation, Elsa starts to kiss her back. Her lips are cool and soft and they move gently against Anna's.

"I remember," Anna blurts out, after she pulls back, totally breathless. "I went back to the trolls. Do you remember them? Really small, sometimes look just like rocks? Well, I went and asked them to give me back my memories, you know, the one's they took, and so…I remember everything now."

Elsa frowns, confused, so Anna tries again.

"I mean, like I remember how we first met! For a long time I couldn't, it was all kind of hazy. Like a dream or something. But, Elsa, I remember how you looked, you were seven I think. I remember how cold you were and how pretty I thought you were and how much I wanted to keep you, and I…"

Anna smiles, reaching for Elsa's hands.

"I guess all I'm trying to say is…I think I've loved you since the moment I saw you."

Anna glances down and the ground is turning to ice under her feet. When she looks back up, Elsa is crying.

"Oh, oh no, wow, okay, I really didn't mean to upset you! I am so bad at this, please stop crying! It's just I thought maybe all these years you've-"

"I love you, too."

Anna stops, mouth wide open.

"Really?"

Elsa brushes her tears away with the back of her hand.

"Yes."

And in Anna's memory finally exists every touch, every tickle, every moment of happiness between them. She holds onto them, goes over them one by one, and tries to forget the years of isolation that follow.

"Say you won't go away again," Anna whispers, holding Elsa's hands in her own. Elsa smiles and shakes her head.

"I won't."

When Elsa kisses her the next time, it feels like more of a promise


End file.
